Pinoy Jokes

Street Vendor : "bili na kayo ng relo!
gold watch ito!
pag namuti, white gold!
pag huminto stopwatch!"

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GF: Hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito?
Hindi na ako virgin at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa!
BF: Ano? Isa lang ah?!
GF: Bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?!

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Couple talking:
Wife: Hon, paki fix naman ilaw sa labas.
Husband: Hello!? Electrician ba ako?
Wife: Eh di pkigawa na lang hagdan natin.
Husband: Hello!? Karpintero ba ako?
Umalis c husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa bahay.
Tinanong niya wife nya kung sino gumawa ng trabaho.
Wife: Kasi kanina a man saw me crying, sabi ko dami sira dito sa bahay.
So he offered to help in exhange of either sex or bake ako ng cake.
Husband: So pinag-bake mo siya ng cake?
Wife : Hello?! Baker ba ako?!

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ANG MARRIED LIFE....
May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay inabot ng 5 am.
Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng:
"HUWAG KA BAYAD RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!"

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Sa harap ng nursery window -
Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive.
Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay?
Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!

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Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and carried her.
Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?
Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!

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Friend: "Wow, pare, ganda ng sapatos mo, ah!"
Husband: "Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!"
Friend: "Surprise? Ano occassion?"
Husband: "Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin kagabi!"

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Health Advisory: "Beer contains female hormones, and can turn men into women.
After 5 pints.... men become talkative, unreasonable, irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!"

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WIFE: I'm warning you! Parating na husband ko in 1 hour!
HANDSOME VISITOR: Wala naman akong ginawang masama ah?
WIFE: Kaya nga! Kung may balak ka, GAWIN MO NA!!!

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WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.
HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya "GO TO HELL".
Kaya ito uwi agad ako.

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Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love.
Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw, hindi na.
HEHEHEHE!

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Population policies of countries:
China : Stop at 1 child.
Singapore : Stop at 2 children
Philippines: STOP AT 4 A.M.!

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RUSSIAN: We're 1st in space.
USA : We're 1st in the moon.
ERAP: We'll be the 1st in the sun.
USA : You can't go there, you'll burn.
ERAP: We're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT!

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Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?
American: Excuse me.
British: Pardon me.
Pinoy: NOT ME!

HAHAHAHA! Joke lang po and pikon, talo! :)